


Hero

by ZephyrusZ



Category: Durarara!!
Genre: Crossover, Emotional Hurt, Feels, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Izuo - Freeform, Love/Hate, M/M, Shizaya - Freeform, Spoilers, Spoilers for Re:Zero, Spoilers for orihara izaya and the sunset, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-17
Updated: 2016-09-17
Packaged: 2018-08-15 00:49:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,025
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8035804
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ZephyrusZ/pseuds/ZephyrusZ
Summary: “I will never be able to love you back…because I can’t even love myself.”“No matter how much you hate yourself, I will always love you.”Izaya comes back to Shizuo after he destroys his city. - Based off the scene in Episode 18 of Re:Zero.





	Hero

**Author's Note:**

> This oneshot was inspired by the RemSubaru scene in Episode 18 of Re:Zero. For those who don't know the anime, a guy who lost everything and couldn't do anything takes out his anger and self-hatred on the girl who loves him after she refused to run away with him, and she accepts him fully and loves him still. The guy loves another girl, so Rem's love isn't returned. It's unrequited love, just like Izaya for Shizuo and Subaru blames himself, like Shizuo. 
> 
> It reminded me of Shizaya when I watched it, and so I decided to write this story. The scene starts at 5:48, and this is the Shizaya version of that. Shizuo destroys Ikebukuro after Izaya left, and Izaya comes back. 
> 
> Oh and I love listening to this song as I read, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kc8zhC9Oh9s, it actually plays during the scene. There's a long version, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fV3Fu5csdcA. It's Rem's insert song. 
> 
> So I guess it'd be Katte ni Shiyagare, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vr2vygwfPAc, Izaya's character song? It's a bit too cheery though, deceptively. 'Wishing' fits the scene better. 
> 
> Well, I hope you enjoy!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Shizu-chan is a hero.”

They were not on top of a building.

They were on the ground in an isolated area, with the strongest man standing alone and his arch enemy approaching him.

The story of how they had gotten to that point was one they didn’t even know themselves.

With wide eyes, Shizuo stared at the man in a wheelchair, and gritted his teeth in heavy self-restraint.

“WHY THE HELL ARE YOU APPEARING IN FRONT OF ME AGAIN?!”

“Saying those words…then appearing in front of me in a fucking wheelchair…JUST WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU PLANNING DAMN IT?!”

“…..”

“I’m a monster. I’m a monster who only knows how to destroy. What I did to this city is proof…and so is the sight in front of me.”

Deep bitterness filled Shizuo’s eyes at his own words, and his smile was like broken glass.

“That’s right. I always knew the truth. I isolated myself because I didn’t want to hurt people, but in the end I couldn’t control it. I wanted to protect the people I care about…but all I could do was destroy.”

“…So what are you going to do? Run away?”

Izaya said sarcastically, but Shizuo responded with honesty.

“Yeah.”

With the bravery he had left, he stepped forward.

“Run away with me.”

“…What?”

“Run away with me. Since it’s you, it should be fine. I’ll take responsibility for your injury. Run away with me, and I’ll take care of you. I won’t lay a hand on you. I’ll…help you…heal.”

There was a resolution in Shizuo’s eyes –

And Izaya rejected it mercilessly.

“No thanks.”

The hope faded away from Shizuo’s gaze.

“…I see.”

_You’ve already run away once, why can’t you do it again?_

Shizuo didn’t say those words, he merely spoke as if to himself, “Then I guess I’ll be alone.”

“Goodbye, Izaya.”

 

Izaya tackled him.

Shizuo didn’t fall back, and Izaya shouted at him.

“If you’re not happy then what’s the point?!”

“…..”

“That kind of thing…it’s an illusion. It’s a fake happiness. It’s the coward’s way out!”

“…Izaya.”

Shizuo was still stunned at having someone close to him, someone who was still scarred from his violence.

“I want to. I want to run away with Shizu-chan. I want Shizu-chan and I to leave this city behind, and start a new life together. If I have Shizu-chan, we could go anywhere, even if you want to leave this country, or spend a quiet life away from the city.”

“Being able to see Shizu-chan without Shizu-chan trying to kill me, to have Shizu-chan take care of me, to see Shizu-chan smile at me, to be together with you, Heiwajima Shizuo…”

Izaya murmured with an emotion in his eyes Shizuo didn’t know, as a bittersweet smile crossed his lips.

“I would be happy…to have Shizu-chan all to myself…but if Shizu-chan is not happy with me, there’s no meaning.”

 

 

 

 

“…That’s not true.” Shizuo managed as Izaya held onto him. “I would be happy, if I could help someone I hurt to heal –“

“Really? Then why can’t you help me to heal here?”

“I can’t. We can’t.” Shizuo laid his hands on Izaya’s wrists.

“I can’t stay in this city – we can’t stay in this city. Izaya. We’ve both done horrible things to it, that’s why we have to leave. That’s why you left, isn’t it?”

“…I left because you rejected me. And I’ve come back so that you wouldn’t reject yourself.”

Izaya told Shizuo as he drew away from him, looking him in the eye.

“What about everyone else? The people you care about – Celty, Tom-san, Shinra, Dotachin, Kasuka, Akane-chan, Yahiro, Vorona? Are you going to just leave them behind – leave all your connections with humans behind?”

“…It’s better than hurting them. If I stay, I’ll just hurt people even more.”

“You left me whom you hate behind, and now you’re going to leave the people you love behind?”

Izaya said in a dangerous tone of voice to the most dangerous man in Ikebukuro.

“…Yeah.”

Shizuo said in a voice without emotion.

Hands he could break, with arms he had broken before, grabbed his collar.

“Why the hell can’t you see how much people love you?!”

“Why the hell do you want me to see that?”

Shizuo replied, seeming like the cool-headed one as he went forth. “’Do you really think helping humans is going to make them love you?’ Isn’t that what you said to me?”

Izaya’s grip loosened, and Shizuo fought to not push him away.

“Can’t you…believe in that 1%?”

“I gave you that 1%, and you rejected me.”

Coldness crept into Shizuo’s voice. “But fine. Since this is the last time we’ll meet, show me that 1 % of trustworthiness, shitty flea.”

“Because I love you.”

 

“…Huh?”

Shizuo said dumbly at the words Izaya had said without hesitation.

“Because I love you.” Izaya said, his lips curving into a wry smirk. “That’s enough of a 1% right?”

Rage consumed Shizuo’s being.

“DON’T FUCK WITH ME –“

“I really wish you wouldn’t think so lowly of me.”

It was a soft statement that had Shizuo not heard, would have never envisioned it to come from Izaya.

Izaya’s hands had landed resignedly on his shoulders, as if he had just realized even after years apart, Shizuo had not changed his impression of him.

“That…doesn’t make sense…Fuck…you really make no sense…”

Izaya smiled bitterly. “Love makes no sense, Shizu-chan.”

“Really, love makes no sense at all. Enjoying fighting with Shizu-chan even when he throws vending machines at me. Not giving information on Shizu-chan even though it could have made Shizu-chan pissed. Wishing I could have seen the expression on Shizu-chan’s face when he fought Saika. Seeing Shizu-chan eating cake, looking so happy that even I couldn’t disturb him. Remembering even after years, Shizu-chan’s sleeping face on the rooftop that day.”

“Going to see Shizu-chan when he doesn’t want to see me. Thinking of Shizu-chan when he didn’t come to visit me. Being jealous of the girls with Shizu-chan when Shizu-chan doesn’t even notice me. And now, coming back to Shizu-chan when he almost killed me.”

Izaya listed all the events like they were from a list, but the gentle look in his eyes transcended his usual mockery.

But it brought back the anger in Shizuo, and Izaya fell onto the ground as Shizuo pushed him.

“SHUT UP! SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP!”

Shizuo bellowed at the fallen flea, even as he backed away from him.

“YOU DON’T KNOW ME! I KNOW MYSELF BETTER THAN ANYONE! I KNOW HOW MUCH OF A MONSTER I AM!”

“ALL YOU KNOW IS YOURSELF!”

Izaya fearlessly yelled back at him.

“I’VE SUFFERED FOR SO LONG BEING IN LOVE WITH YOU, KNOWING YOU WOULD NEVER LOVE ME BACK! THAT YOU HATE ME!”

Izaya’s fist hit the ground along with the wetness from his cheeks.

“How much do you know about the Shizu-chan that _I_ see?!”

Shizuo stared, stunned, at the tears in Izaya’s eyes.

“How…can you love me so much?”

He said weakly, as if he had given up on destroying his reality.

“I’m a monster who only knows how to destroy. I’m just running away. I even asked you, who I almost killed with my violence, to run away with me…!”

“Shizu-chan isn’t a monster. Shizu-chan is human. Because I love humans, and I love Shizu-chan.”

Izaya replied simply, his smile cutting through Shizuo like his knives never did.

“…you’re human. As human as anyone anywhere.”

“…!”

The epiphany hit him, as the words in the present resounded along with the same ones that had haunted him.

As if he couldn’t hold up his indestructible body anymore, Shizuo fell to his knees.

 

 

  
“You can’t love me…”

Shizuo covered his eyes, as if he wanted to be blind to his reality.

“If you love me…I’d want to love you back…and I can’t. I can’t, because when I love someone, I end up hurting them.”

“That’s fine, since I’m the one Shizu-chan hates the most in the world right? Shizu-chan loving me is impossible even for a man like me.”

Shizuo’s hand dropped to his side. He laughed hollowly.

“You can’t even stand, idiot flea…”

Izaya just continued smiling, even as he crawled over to Shizuo, a far cry from his parkour skills from before.

“I don’t love you.”

Shizuo said when Izaya reached him.

“I hated you…but I hate myself even more.”

Shizuo lowered his head, as Izaya looked at him.

“I will never be able to love you back…because I can’t even love myself.”

Arms wrapped around him, the same arms he had broken hugged him, as a voice he thought he would never hear again murmured to him.

“No matter how much you hate yourself, I will always love you.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

  
It was an ironic scene. The two men who had been the two most dangerous men of Ikebukuro were on the ground like they had lost all power over the city.

The bond stared desolately into the distance, as the black haired man smiled with the love he held for him.

Finally, the strongest man of Ikebukuro allowed the tears to fall as the black haired man embraced him.

He cried silently, as if he didn’t think he deserved to cry like a normal human being.

The man he had broken stroked his hair fondly, murmuring words he never thought would be given to him.

 

  
“Shizu-chan is a hero.”

“Quiet Hero on a Peaceful Island. Heiwajima Shizuo. My Shizu-chan. My Shizuo.”

“Shizu-chan is a hero, because I’m the villain. I’m the villain, so Shizu-chan can be the hero.”

“Because Shizu-chan is loved. Heroes are loved, like Shizu-chan is. Shizu-chan is such a quiet hero, but he’s loved so deeply by many people, even the villain me.”

Izaya continued saying these words that almost sounded like nonsense in Shizuo’s ears –

As Shizuo continued crying silent tears.

He could feel himself falling apart, and he voiced it.

“…Bastard, you’re…breaking me…”

“Even if Shizu-chan is broken, I can love him. Because I love humans, and Shizu-chan is very much human.”

“Even if Shizu-chan is broken…I can love even a broken Shizu-chan equally.”

Sobs escaped from Shizuo’s lips, before he clenched his fists.

“I destroyed my city.”

“It’s fine, after all Shizu-chan also destroyed me. Time heals all wounds, doesn’t it?”

“I could only destroy, I couldn’t save anyone.”

“What are you saying? You saved Akane-chan, Vorona-san, even Celty. You saved everyone but yourself, Shizu-chan. …You’ve even saved me.”

“I – Yahiro – I can’t face them. Yahiro, Celty, Vorona, Akane, Shinra, Kasuka, even that bastard Kuon, I can’t face them anymore. I can’t live in the same place as them, I can’t let them live with a monster like me.”

“Humans have called me a monster, so Shizu-chan can live with a monster like me.”

“I asked…” Shizuo smiled bitterly, “And you rejected me, stupid flea.”

“Ha…hahaha…the first time I asked someone to live together with me, and I was rejected so directly. By none other than the shitty flea. I’m so embarrassed I could die…”

Shizuo turned his face away and laughed like it was some sort of joke, and Izaya just smiled mischievously.

“It’s alright, the next time you ask me to _live with you_ , I will agree.”

“…Tch! Don’t get ahead of yourself, flea!”

Izaya grinned brightly. He raised his hands to Shizuo’s blond hair, and touched his forehead to his happily.

“Ah, that’s right. I really do love Shizu-chan!”

 

  
Shizuo looked at Izaya. He looked at the flea in his lap, and smiled in a self-torturous way.

“I hate myself.”

“I love you, Shizu-chan.”

“…I hate you, shitty flea.”

Izaya just smiled, waiting as he ran his slender fingers through Shizuo’s blond hair.

Looking into the imaginary abyss before his eyes, Shizuo raised the question desolately.

“You…why me…?”

“Because you’re the human I fell in love with.”

“I’m the cause of your injury. I’m the reason why you can’t even fucking walk…why you ran away from this city. There’s nothing for you to love about me.”

Shizuo spoke, hanging onto logic by a thin thread, which Izaya pulled away from him.

“It’s not as if I fell in love with Shizu-chan recently, or two years ago for that matter. Although the exact point in time is still ambiguous to me, I know I was in love with Shizu-chan for a longer time than I’d have liked to admit. I’m returning for the sake of my love, that’s all. It’s not entirely a selfless act on my part.”

Izaya said, and there was a glimpse. There was a glimpse in his smile, in his eyes, of the depth of his unrequited feelings for Shizuo which after years, he still had difficulty fully expressing.

Shrugging with his usual elegance like he wasn’t handicapped in any way, Izaya continued speaking.

“And, to be honest, if Shizu-chan didn’t need me – if I felt that Shizu-chan still didn’t need me, I would have stayed where I was. I would have refused rehabilitation, to prolong the punishment for not acknowledging Heiwajima Shizuo as human. I wouldn’t have had the guts to come back to this city.”

“…Even if he didn’t intend it, Shizu-chan saved me.”

Shizuo stared, as Izaya kissed his forehead gently. The abyss seemed to retreat, consumed by the eyes of the man who had already thrown himself into it.

“…You really…don’t mind that it’s me?”

Izaya brushed his hair away from his eyes, and smiled with a kindness that was heart aching.

“I don’t want anyone else. I only want Shizu-chan. I want it to be Shizu-chan.”

His past flashed in his head, and he almost pushed Izaya away again until the older man said:

“…Does Shizu-chan mind that it’s me?”

… _Ah, I see._

_I’m…not the only one_

“…It’s strange…but I don’t.” Shizuo said like realization was dawning upon him.

“As long as someone can love me…”

Izaya’s uncertain expression was wiped away in a split second, but Shizuo had already stored it away.

“But I can’t love you. I can only give you hate.”

He said with brutal honesty. But Izaya’s happiness didn’t fade.

“Hate me! Hate me all you want, Shizu-chan! Shizu-chan can hate me as much as he wants!”

His hair was becoming messy. Shizuo twitched, on the verge of swatting the flea away –

“Hate me all you want, so that you don’t have to love me.”

-          But the flea turned into Izaya, the man who had come back to him, and Shizuo felt like Izaya was seeing him.

He averted his gaze in silence, torn between the past and present, as a warm weight on him kept him rooted to reality.

It soon left him, as he found himself standing up, looking down at the man on the ground.

It was like he was the one who had undergone a traumatic experience, as the past image of a fallen flea with broken arms disrupted his present.

“Shizu-chan?”

“…Come here.”

There was no fear in Izaya’s eyes as he looked at Shizuo’s hand, only curiosity. The black haired man’s hand covered his, and Shizuo waited for him to raise himself from the ground – before pulling him forward against his chest.

“S-Shizu-chan?”

“I’m sorry.”

“…..”

“It must have been lonely, right? You must have been so…lonely.”

Shizuo murmured softly with the emotion in his isolated heart. His hand held Izaya’s, and he rested his other hand on Izaya’s hair.

“…!”

Izaya looked like he was trying to not let the tears fall. He lost that battle and drew away from Shizuo –

But Shizuo _pulled him back_ , and Izaya’s head landed on Shizuo’s chest.

“It’s alright. Let it all out, flea. There’s only me.”

Shizuo said, and closed his eyes when Izaya began to cry.

 

 

 

 

_  
I hurt him_

_I hurt the flea_

_I broke his legs, and I broke his heart_

_I…really am a monster_

 

 

“I’m so sorry.”

 

 

_That’s right._

_It’s not Izaya who’s the biggest coward_

_It’s me_

_I’m a coward who doesn’t even deserve him_

_But I want him_

_…And he wants me_

 

 

 

“I won’t ever hurt you again. I’ll take all responsibility.”

With the courage Izaya had given him, Shizuo met Izaya’s eyes.

“So…don’t leave me again.”

Inhaling deeply, Shizuo said to the man who had never left him alone:

“Izaya…stay by my side.”

 

  
  
“…I have an agency to return to, you know?”

“Take me with you then.”

Izaya smiled wryly. Nothing in his face or voice suggested he had been crying moments before, except the red around his eyes.

“You’re supposed to stay here in Ikebukuro, Shizu-chan. How can the strongest man of Ikebukuro leave his city?”

“I’ll go anywhere if you’re there.”

“…You really shouldn’t be saying such a thing to the guy in love with you, you know?”

“Sorry,” Shizuo said but he didn’t sound apologetic. “But if you won’t stay by my side, I’ll stay by yours.”

Izaya turned away with a smile like he had given up, “You’re impossible…”

“So if you don’t want me to leave the city, then stay here in Ikebukuro with me.”

“That’s a pretty selfish thing to say.”

“Yeah.” Shizuo said with a self-deprecating smile. His arm wrapped around Izaya’s waist.

“I’m a selfish man. Especially when it comes to the person in love with me.”

“…You make me want to be selfish, flea.”

“As usual, you ruin all my plans, Shizu-chan.”

Izaya said but he didn’t look upset. He was looking into Shizuo’s eyes as if they had known each other forever – which they did.

Shizuo returned his gaze intensely. His hand moved to Izaya’s hair, feeling the glossy black strands before moving down to his pale cheek.

“…Say it again.”

 

 

And Izaya smiled, a smile of love and affection Shizuo never thought he would see directed towards him, as he touched his fingers lightly to Shizuo’s hand on his cheek.

“I love you, Heiwajima Shizuo.”

 

  
  
Shizuo smiled back at Izaya as he met Izaya’s eyes, and said the words he hadn’t said for two years, freely.

 

“…I hate you…Izaya.”

 


End file.
